"Deep Waters" by Jessica Adamowicz
Sunshine slipped through the vertical blinds and illuminated the dust dancing in its path. It trickled across various items: an empty wallet, scattered junk food wrappers, and piles of cracked CD cases on the floor. Although barely visible, there was a faint silhouette from under the old twin bed that very closely resembled a pile of photos. If the silhouette proved true to its image, the photos would be dusty and torn as if they had been removed from the walls in a fit of rage. They would also have captured days of deep unhappiness, of a life that did not belong to its artificial face.
The air in the room was dry and cold, the grimy window a permanent barrier to all things beyond the confines of its navy blue walls. Yet every morning, light fought its way to the furthermost corner of Adam’s room, stretching across his face and seeping beneath his eyelids. This would normally be the most intense exposure of light to Adam’s skin until the following day, just like any other. Being a resident of the “sunshine state” of California, avoiding suffocation from this golden toxin was difficult. But for now, Orange County was home to Adam and for a few minutes a day, the tenacious nature of morning could be tolerated. After all, it had been his idea to move there. The respect his parents once had for him was great, and he was grateful that they were at least able to love an image of a son they thought was their own. A “spitting image of success,” as they had called him. They had thought he'd be the most handsome face of tomorrow, but little did they know that he would rid himself of the face they taught him to create from fronts, lies, and deceit.
He opened his eyes and stared into the blurry abyss of his room. “Where the hell did my glasses go?” He spoke aloud, as if his room were a young sibling mischievously hiding them within the dense fog of his sight. They were his window to the world which he separated himself from. But there was no sibling to hide his glasses, just the carelessness of a stoned teenager unable to concentrate the night before. Smoking pot was ironically the only habit Adam never learned to kick, the only connection he had to his days of acting paramount to social standards. And it had also been what torn the relationship between his parents and their only son, upon his mother's discovery of the glass figurine that was actually his favorite bowl. It was shaped like a fish, and the sound of her smashing it would be the last thing he would ever hear from his mother. From his father, there would always be the scream of silent disgrace.
He sighed, sat up, and took the beanie off of his head, revealing a mess of oil and sweat. Adam looked to his desk near the door for either a comb or another beanie, whichever he could find first. Still blind without his glasses, he needed to get closer to the desk to be within range of distinguishing the disarray of objects from one another. As he began to place his feet on the floor, the familiar feel of worn-out carpet was replaced with a searing pain comparable to an icicle that suddenly burst into flames, inside of his heel. The pain was followed almost instantaneously with a faint crushing noise. He had found his glasses.
“F**k,” he said, again out loud to his room. That moment would be the most distinct mark of all memories he would ever have. That day, a regular sunny Tuesday, would turn out to be not-so-regular. Tip-toeing to the door and dripping blood on the way, he spotted a black beanie and grabbed it along with an over sized black hoodie. Today, without his glasses, his clothes would at least help him blend into society.
Under the fluorescent bathroom lights, Adam’s face appeared more sallow than it actually was. His hollow eyes appeared bruised, his full lips red and dry from lack of moisture and a good night’s sleep. The girlish structure of his face was even more defined by his high cheekbones and the sunken flesh below them. But even without his glasses, he was able to recognize the clear blue irises staring back at him from the mirror. They were his only noticeable feature, one which he was ashamed of. Adam put in the contacts retrieved from within the medicine cabinet, which were for emergency use only, and was appalled at how much more dazzling his eyes appeared than usual. They were as cold and bright as a mountain lake in springtime. This was unlucky, for recognition by other people was not something he enjoyed on a daily basis.
The rest of the day followed as it normally would- Adam arrived to class twenty minutes late, slept through the next two periods, then resisted the urge to vomit all over the “WE’LL MISS THESE SENIOR MOMENTS!” posters hanging in the hallways. But on the way to lunch, he stopped. There was a photo on the infamous senior “wall of fame” that caught his eye. Behind a coupled icon of OCHS pop-culture, those bright blue eyes shone into the face of the camera. Earlier that month, he had been caught off guard in the middle of a yearbook photo-op, looking up just in time to see the camera’s flash. He felt a wave of disgust wash over him.
“You’re a senior too?” There was a girl standing next to Adam. He wasn’t sure how long they had both been standing there. He was confused, but his face stated otherwise. He did not respond. “Well gee, so sorry to disturb you. It’s not like I can help being the new girl when there’s only two months left of school. Nice to meet you, too.” Adam found himself both shocked and stunned not just by her reaction to his presence but also at the appearance of her alone. They were feelings unfamiliar to him.
She was strikingly beautiful and her voice was soft, even with the annoyed tone in her voice. Yet there was nothing about her appearance that could logically explain why he couldn’t look away from her, why he felt compelled to stare. As he took in her image his eyes met hers. Without his glasses there was no window to keep him from seeing them in such clarity. They were green like the depths of the ocean. He was lost in them, swimming in their emerald glory when her pupils contracted and she snapped at him, “Well what are you staring at? You creep! If you don’t want to talk to me, just say so. Don’t just stand there and look at me like I’m speaking Japanese! What is it with everyone around here?!” Obviously flustered, she turned and stormed off. Adam broke out of his trance and called, “Wait! I’m sorry, I just…” He couldn’t finish his sentence. When she looked back, her eyes drew him in again and he lost his train of thought. Her pupils contracted again, but this time he was able to draw himself together before she could turn away from him forever. He said, “My name is Adam. Yes, I’m a senior too, and you caught me off guard before. I didn’t know you were talking to me.” It appeared as though she was about to retaliate, but then she said, “It’s okay, I should be the one who’s sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up on you like that; I just have been very unsuccessful at making any friends today and now I have to go sit by myself at lunch. I’ve considered not eating…I don’t think I can handle any more awkward situations.” The last statement seemed more for herself than for Adam.
“You can come sit with me, although my friends don’t have this lunch period. It’ll just be you and me, if you don’t mind.” The former was a lie; he had no more friends left in this school. They had all graduated or dropped out. With this thought in mind, Adam couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken so much to another person. But it felt good. Satisfying almost, as if he had just been relieved of some extreme constraint. He smiled, and she smiled in response. Adam was embarrassed, so he looked to the floor until he heard her speak again. “My name is Persia. I just moved here from West Virginia…my Dad was relocated for work.” This time as she spoke and Adam stared into her eyes, Persia’s pupils did not contract. He felt them focus on his, and synonymously there was dilation in both pair. He felt sudden warmth within his chest, and as he stepped forward to walk her to lunch, they did not lose each other’s gaze.
“You know, you have beautiful eyes,” they said in unison. Persia blushed, and Adam knew then that his life was about to change. This girl he had only known for a total of two minutes had opened his mind to a whole new world. It was one not of his past and where it was okay to be able to see, and be seen.
Without his glasses.
